" The fish jumped up out of the water its Skin shimmering with water and gleaming in the sun. Hoopers dead body lay limply in the fishes mouth." These two sentences I can just picture in my mind so well.
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Hunter,
ReplyDeleteThis is certainly a gripping scene. The writing paints the picture of the fish by describing the skin as shimmering and gleaming. I also like the way it surprises the reader. The first sentence sounds like a typical description of a beautiful fish, but then the second sentence adds something unexpected and not so beautiful. It's not your typical, breath-taking image of a fish jumping out of the water.
Also notice that the author doesn't write, "The shark had Hooper in its mouth." Rather than being told that, we see the body lying. Not only that, but the well-chosen adverb, "limply," tells us everything we need to know about the condition of Hooper.
When you copy something from a book, be careful with your writing. I believe you are missing punctuation and have misspelled some words.
josiah